on following

I have been thinking this week about the ways we follow Jesus, and I began wondering…what if we followed Jesus the way we watch TV? To me, that’s an interesting question and the answer is, it would be really nice if we followed Jesus the way we watch TV, wouldn’t it?

Think about it.

Following Jesus would be very convenient. TV’s can be turned on and off anytime we want. If following Jesus were that way, that would mean that we could listen to Jesus when we wanted to, or if we didn’t feel like it, we wouldn’t have to. It means that we could choose the most convenient time to spend time with Jesus too. We could fit him into our schedule. It wouldn’t be a matter of trying to live life with Jesus it would be trying to find space in our life for Jesus.

TV affords us lots of choices. We can channel surf all day, just looking for something that interests us. If following Jesus was like that, it would mean that we could develop selective hearing when it comes to Scripture. If there are parts of Scripture we don’t like to think about (like thinking about sin), that make us uncomfortable (like thinking about loving sinners) that bore us (like the OT), or that we don’t understand (like Revelation), we could ignore those.

When I watch TV, I camp out on the Food Network and ESPN, and maybe PBS if theres a good documentary on, that is what I love to watch. If following Jesus was like watching TV, then I could just camp out on the parts of Scripture that I liked the best (Like when Jesus says he came to save us, or when he does exciting miracles).

If following Jesus was like this, that would mean that I could decide how to follow him. Since I can choose what I listen to and what I don’t listen to, that means that I can personalize the way that I follow him. A custom-made discipleship program, not unlike many of the products marketed to us through our TV sets.

TV is also pretty comfortable. I can watch TV at home, relaxing on the couch. Watching TV doesn’t require much, except maybe a bowl of popcorn. What if following Jesus was as comfortable as watching TV? Well, it would mean that it wouldn’t require much. I don’t have to respond to TV when I watch it, I can just take it in. That would mean that I wouldn’t have to respond to Jesus either, I could just listen to what he says and that would be good enough, I wouldn’t have to respond in any particular way to what he says.

Watching TV is something I can do alone or in a group, really the choice is up to me. If following Jesus was like that, it would mean that community would be an option. It would give me the freedom to choose if I wanted to follow Jesus on my own or as part of a group, and there wouldn’t really be any consequences to that decision, either way, I’m just going to be sitting on the couch sort of passively taking in what Jesus says, I’ve already said I wouldn’t have to worry about responding to it or anything, so whether I’m alone or in a group really has little bearing on the way I follow Jesus.

TV is about entertaining me. If following Jesus was like that, it would mean that Jesus is all about entertaining me. It would mean that his whole purpose for doing what he did was to make me happy, healthy, wealthy, and wise. Whatever other aims or goals he had would take a backseat to the fact that he came first and foremost, to make my life better.

And when I watch TV, I hold the remote I’m in charge. What if I was in charge of the relationship between me and Jesus? I wouldn’t have to take orders from him. In fact, I could give some orders. “Jesus, I’d like for you to do this for me, Jesus, when are you going to get around to fixing that in my life?” If I held the “remote” in the relationship, I could turn him on and off whenever I wanted. I could change the channel to something else if I didn’t like what he had to say.

In a sense, if following Jesus was like watching TV, then following Jesus would always be done on my terms. I would be the one who could set the agenda, decide what I hear and how I respond. I would be the one who controls the relationship if following Jesus was like watching TV.

I get the sense that many Christians today really do follow Jesus like we all watch TV. We really value convenience and choice and so we want to be able to fit Jesus into our schedules and we like having lots of ways to follow him, so we can choose the way the works best for us. It is an appealing thing to think that following Jesus would be easy. As a culture we like getting something for nothing, and there are times when we apply that way of thinking to the way we follow Jesus, where we look for maximum blessing benefits with no money down. Mainly though, I think Christians, many times, tend to try and follow Jesus without giving up the remote. We end up being followers of Jesus who end up telling Jesus how we want to follow him. We want to follow Jesus, but we want to do it on our terms.

And what does that say about us? What does it say about us that we are people who want to follow Jesus, but we want to be the ones who set the agenda for the way we are going to follow him? Well, I think it says that we are human.

why Sunday is the easiest day of the week

I recognize that it has been a while since I have posted, well over a month. Given the fact that my previous post promised more consistent blogging and this blog represents something far less consistent, I must be forced to admit that I have not yet mastered the idea of blogging. Life has gotten busier, no doubt about that, Josiah learning to walk and talk, not to mention the fact that everyday I am surprised by some new layer of my position. That is what drove me here today.

I find that the easiest day of the week is Sunday...by a landslide. If you are a pastor this might, I guess, make sense, but my guess is most people won't get it. But you see Sunday is neat and tidy. I wake up on a Sunday and...my sermon is written and ready, my partners in ministry prepare the rest of the details, I don't have extra meetings or appointments. I simply wake up, clean up, and stand up and "do what I do." Of course, there is much more that goes into a Sunday, conversing with people, listening to ideas and making decisions on the fly (not something I recommend), meeting new people and hearing people tell me the stories of their lives. By Sunday, I have everything figured out (read a bit of sarcasm). When I stand up on Sunday's my ideas are as clear as they are going to be. When I greet my brothers and sisters, I do as one who wants to welcome them into our community. All of my Sunday stations put me in a position to be clear and hospitable.

Now, enter Monday through Saturday. This is a different story. Monday through Saturday I sit in the mess of life. I don't mean other people's lives, but my life, your life, our life...this thing we call life is messy and I live in it, just as everyone does, I guess, every day of the week. I sit in the mess of life's questions, not just because I am wondering and discovering, but I want to help other people wonder and discover as well. I wrestle with ideas about following Jesus and wonder why I seem to do it with a limp all the time and wonder how I should go about helping people discover a communal life with God (and in writing communal I realized that the word I've used most frequently in this post is I, so apparently I have a long way to go too).

What I mean to say, is that I am realizing that following Jesus well, really well, is all about living in all kinds of tension. Created for purposes we won't fulfill, being a cracked version of who and what I'm supposed to, bent toward doing my own thing than ever wanting to submit to anything, and all the while being remade in the image of God, being restored back to the kind of creature I'm supposed to be. And that makes life messy. (That sounded really trite when I just wrote it, sorry).

Pastoring broken-but-being-fixed people in a broken-but-being-fixed world as a broken-but-being-fixed person myself means that Monday through Saturday I don't have it all figured out. Things don't always happen properly, and I don't always respond with great aplomb (thanks Andy Bernard). So, as a friend of mine is continually saying, we just have to respond to Jesus. Though I am, in some ways, a vision kind of guy, I am finding myself further and further away from a clear picture of preferred futures. But that is the nice thing about being a part of the gospel of the Kingdom of God, the preferred future is already written and the vision is cast. My job in life is to be faithful in moving toward Jesus toward the Kingdom. My second job is to help those I love to do the same thing.

On my wall, I have a picture labeled leadership. The caption says, A leader is...it continues. But I covered it up. It now reads, A leader is TBD. I'm going to keep trying to respond to Jesus. I'll answer the "a leader is" question, when I get to where I'm going...or at least a bit further down the road.

back and forward

To date, 2008 (that rhymes if you are reading aloud, if you are not, please begin again out loud) has been the most eventful year of all my years. I was going to put together some kind of reflective list of events, but Andrew's wonderful posts on albums frightens me from trying to measure up so mine will take paragraph form.

Even though, technically, Josiah was born in 2007, given the "New Year's Eve-ity" of his arrival I am going to call that 2008. (I don't think I have to use the same criteria as the IRS but I will get back to you on that.) Josiah's life is now officially a year old and I think he's happy with it. For the purposes of this blog, I am happy with it. The process of dad-ing has taught me a lot about sacrifice and love, mostly though I guess from observing his mom.

Also, I graduated seminary in 2008. The prospect of changing degrees from what might be termed (incorrectly, I think) the grand pooh-bah of seminary degrees to what might be termed (incorrectly, I think) the grand pooh-bah's step brother of seminary degrees was actually an easy decision. I had no idea why I was choosing the new direction, I just knew it was a good decision. (See below) I learned much during my time at Trinity. Extra special thanks to friends and mentors who walked with me through the four hardest years of trying to listen and watch for God that I've had.

In retrospect, had I not decided to get a different degree, I would not now live in New York City. The biggest event in our married life involved a moving truck, three large metal pods, a minivan (oh yeah, I caved and got a minivan this year too) full of people and possessions, and enough anxiety to make Joe Montana nervous under pressure. I accepted a pastoral position in Brooklyn, but for the single-digit number of visitors to this blog, you all already know that.

The question I keep being asked, Can you believe you live where you do?, is a common thought in my head. Yet it is testimony to the fact that this life with God is never boring and that we should in fact expect the unexpected. We have made a number of "risky" decisions this year and it is safe to say that 2008 will go down as one of the best of our lives.

Looking forward, I have some goals for this year. I sense some areas in my life that I want to learn to do better. To that end, I have given myself a writing assignment to sharpen my skills with this keyboard. My goal is to make a bit of weekly progress on the project. Thus, the blog entries over the next 8-9 months will likely take shape around this project. Advent was a difficult time to find time to write, but my hope is that I will develop a stronger ability to discipline myself to refine thoughts until they are word-worthy.

Other goals...
1. (okay, I have caved on the list idea) Explore the city...expect some blogging on this.
2. Read, at least, two books a month outside of sermon related reading.
3. Master the art of cooking. (This is probably impossible, but at least master some good dishes and techniques).

That's all for now.

ag

on not getting things done and other thoughts.

We are beginning to re-think the idea that efficiency is something to be highly valued. I could list, I won't but I could, a number of wonderful moments in our lives here thus far that would have been swept away or ignored had we been evaluating them based on their expediency or their "cost-benefit' ratio. The efficient minister, or at least I would be this way if I prioritized efficiency, stands to miss many important moments in the name of getting things done. (I think though to really value inefficiency, I do have to get better at being focused so that I create space for inefficiency...clearing the urgent so I can see the important etc...) Thoughts?

I read this statement today...Humility is the ultimate expression of courage...hmmm? I think I will chew on that sentence for many days to come...

I also really like the idea of cultivation...I'm reading a book that uses that idea as a framework for leadership...makes sense, gotta keep thinking.

Christmas ethos makes me really happy; trees, fireplaces, old movies, cookies and white elephant parties...it is hard to beat this time of year. I just hope that I am not wringing the import of the season by detaching these ideals from Immanuel. (On the other hand, I am simultaneously participating in the rhythms of advent more fully than I ever have, pretty reflective month so far)

Congrats to Travis on 10,000 days, may you have tens of thousands more. Congrats to Gator and fam on the expansion project, may you have tens of thousands more...

more than the nightwatchman waits for the morning

"My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning..."

A night watchman waits in the dark. He paces slowly, methodically, through his appointed rounds. The only sound he wants to hear is the click of his shoes hitting the floor as he guards his post through the night. Any other sound is out of the ordinary. Any other sound means something is wrong.

The night is fraught with fear. He waits for the courage morning brings. The night is full of anxiety. He longs for the peace that comes with the sunrise. The night has many friends with names like uncertainty, suspicion and worry. Daybreak chases them away.

But daybreak is still hours away and the night watchmen must watch the hours between sundown and sunup. The rhythm of his rounds helps the watchman count down the hours…minutes…seconds until morning. Until his fear and anxiety are slicked in the warm flood of light that finds its way through the windows.

What if there were no morning for the night watchman? What if the long, dark loneliness of night didn’t end with the redemption of the morning? What if the night continued forever? The watchman asks these questions to himself as he tiptoes around the corners of the dark building, hoping to find each hallway as empty as the one prior. The night watchman probably wonders if night will ever end as the beam from his flashlight is seemingly swallowed up by the oppressive darkness midnight carries with it. With each corner turned and each room examined, the watchman’s longing for morning grows stronger and stronger. If there is no morning, there is only despair.

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned."

And then there is dawn. The fearful darkness flees from the light of day. Once dark objects take shape again and the fearful uncertainty of night is replaced by the joy that morning has come and the hope that it will come again tomorrow…the next day…every day.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning….In him was life, and that life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

on the search for a third space

I was reading a while back about the idea of the "third space." Interesting idea. The idea is presented that most people have three distinct places in their lives, distinct arenas, or stages where the drama of life unfolds. The first two are obvious, home and work. The interesting thing to me is the idea of the third space. In this final space, people, the theory goes, search for a place of belonging, a place to relax, to spend leisure time, to give their down time a context or meaning.

Third spaces are everywhere, diners, bars, coffee shops, book stores...the list goes on as endlessly as there are creative people who find places to belong. People need these kind of spaces, away from home and work where "everybody knows your name..." There is something about this sense of belonging that really drives people to be a regular at the corner diner or the neighborhood pub.

In many ways, the church is a third space. The church is a place away from home and work where people find a place to belong and gives context and meaning to life. Interestingly, the church is the only place that, should, attempt to dump those people back out into the wilderness of life to engage people in their own third spaces. In that sense, the church is really more of a 2.5 space, as it exists as a hospitable place of welcome and belonging, but so that each one might better live outside of the space itself. This is different than the coffee shop or pub. Those spaces equip you to stay inside and do nothing about life outside the space itself. The church challenges Christians to live well in other people's third spaces.

As a pastor, the challenge for me is that church is not only my place of belonging but also my place of employment. The past 2.5 months have been a search for another space, coffee shop, diner, library, some place that I might be a regular, so as to intersect lives with other people. The search has been frustrating so far, although that is probably due more to unreasonable ideals than anything else. But it feels to me like this is an important step for me. I need to find a place, not because I lack a sense of belonging, but because the gospel calls me to live well in other people's third spaces...the search continues.

an examined life: on asking questions

Lately, I have been wondering whether or not I am good question asker. I am afraid of being someone who lives life with their head stuck in the sand, hoping problems will pass by without my knowing. There are many days when I feel numb to the hard questions that life poses or at least would pose if I would allow it to. It is, to me, troubling to be naive or unthoughtful. I don't want to follow Jesus unthinkingly (I'm not sure that is a word, but you get the point).

The reason is that an unexamined life seems to me to be an indefensible life. How can I answer questions posed to me by others if I have not thought about them on my own? How can I give reasons for anything; my values, convictions, opinions, my hopes, dreams etc. unless I have taken time to really consider them myself? If I am challenged on a particular piece of my worldview, how am I to respond unless I have taken time to examine my life, or made an effort to be a thoughtful follower of Jesus?

In my opinion, the answer is, I can't. Unexamined lives rely on pithy statements or cliches to get them through life's questions. Even if the statements and cliches are in some sense true, the truth of it is probably lost in my casual casting of it.

The challenge for me is the fear of what I will find. If I really start to grapple with life's hard questions, or the difficulties and obstacles to faith; what will I find? For me, the temptation to live a numb, unexamined life is fueled by a combination of a desire to be comfortable (that is probably code for lazy, I'll get back to you on that) and this fear or apprehension of what I will find if I explore these questions deeply. I have seen far too many people abandon principle at the hand of intellectual exploration, and so part of me is probably afraid of where I will find myself if I start to ask good questions.

I don't, however, think this releases me from this challenge of examining my life (by that I, of course, mean everything about my life). If I really trust that God is the God of the universe then he is probably unfazed by my feeble attempts at understanding. I am probably not going to stump him. If he promises to walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death, then he will probably walk with me through the valley of my curiosity too.

I have also learned that I have to have a healthy distrust of myself in this process as well. What I mean is, my logic has often proved illogical and my feelings have often betrayed reality. So, in that, it is entirely possible that answers to my curiosities lie outside the bounds of my oft stunted logic and regularly manic emotions. At the same time, those are the best discerning tools I have on my own. I guess faith is, in some way, the intersection of where my reasoning faculties end and the Spirit's voice begins. Perhaps that is what it looks like to lean on something other than my own understanding alone.

I think God would honor and welcome the earnest pursuit of knowing Him like that, I just hope I have the courage to ask about it sometime...