Today, Josiah was playing in his room and he was attempting to pick up large handfuls of big lego blocks to transfer them to the other side of the room. Unfortunately, his little arms were no match for the slick plastic blocks. After time and time of failed attempts, his little faced curled up and he began to cry. As I sat there with him, all I could think was, join the club buddy, join the club.
As I grew up, people always said, You can do anything you set your mind to. I loved it when they said that, the world was open and available to me, anything I wanted I could achieve. But now, officially in my late 20's, I have not achieved the things I set my mind to when I was younger. What's more, no matter how hard I would have tried, I never would have become a professional ballplayer or platinum selling rock star. (There were significant parts of my life where these were the desires of my heart)
Of course, as my life has gone on, there have been moments where I have realized that I had reached some limitation of my natural capacities. Very much like Josiah's attempts at picking up blocks, these have been hard moments to deal with. Coming to grips with my own limitations can be heartbreaking. It's more than just the frustration of not being able to accomplish a task or achieve a dream. A person's soul can take a pretty solid blow when you realize that the horizon of 'what is possible' is somehow less expansive than it used to be. (If you've seen Napoleon Dynamite, think Uncle Rico chucking steaks at Napoleon to prove he can still throw a football.)
As I get older, I find new goals and new dreams, fresh designs on what is possible in my life. And yet, even in reshaping what I set my mind to, I still find myself dealing with my own limitations. I will never be the best thinker, writer, speaker, teacher. The life I "have set my mind to" will inevitably be tempered as time goes on.
It could be that my only option is to dispair of what I fail to achieve. There are moments when I feel that is the best option. More likely, though, I should learn to think in new ways. Instead of believing I can do anything I set my mind to, I'm trying to embrace the idea that I have limitations, and that limitations are not a sign of weakness. Because it could be that my limitations are a sign that I have been designed, specifically, for particular purposes. The living of life then is more about discovering God's intentions for me, than achieving whatever fancy strikes me on that particular day.
I wanted to just hug Josiah. I knew the kind of pain he was feeling when he bumped up against his physical limitation. In a way, dealing with these limitations is part of life. I just don't want it to be all of life.
Can you relate?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
So much of me wants desperately to reject your thesis. And perhaps I can locate parts of it that seem fatuous and tenuous. But the whole of it - this recognition of limitation - cannot be repudiated. No sir.
Still...what are we to do with this? Is the consequence really so formulaic? Is despair on the one hand while the other holds thinking things anew? Must these be mutually exclusive? Can we not mourn the past (or the future the past promised) while demanding that similar failures be not repeated?
Moreover, aren't "designs" another way of saying "prescribed limitations?"
I'm afraid that we too often chalk up our failures to Divine Intention. What if failure is just failure? Success just success? Why is "fancy" a dirty word, when such spontaneity can foster personal growth, define your character, and...wait for it...help you see things anew?
So here's to "new goals and new dreams," to dreams deferred, dreams exploded, and the resultant pain. Lest we never forget.
Bottoms up.
Thanks for the thoughts Brian. I agree it probably isn't so formulaic. It probably is not the case that the options are dispair or new ways of thinking.
Only, as I sense the desire to despair, doesn't it take new ways of thinking to move from that toward something else. But no, they probably don't have to be mutually exclusive.
I think as dreams die it is entirely appropriate to mourn them, and as we learn to appropriate our new 'reality' we move forward to lead richer lives.
As far as designs v. prescribed limitations goes, I think you are probably right, they are the same thing. But I guess my question is, is that a bad thing? If I have been designed with prescribed limitations that is only evidence that I am not a limitless being, which is of course true.
I guess my point was that learning to embrace my limitations is a way of coming to grips with reality. That's just a hard thing to do is all.
With all of that, success and failure are not always related to such big questions, but when they are, isn't it good to think well about what success/failure means?
And fancy isn't a dirty word, but it can be a symptom of living without any intention, just whim following. I'm not saying following a whim or fancy isn't sometimes the best thing to do, it just doesn't seem that it is the best way to define a life.
this struck a chord with me, thanks adam.
Post a Comment